With Valentine's Day just around the corner, nearly everyone has love and roses on the brain. As human beings, we instinctively yearn for intimate connections with others. Generally, if we're not happily partnered then we're looking to be happily partnered!

I therefore thought this would be a great time to talk about soul mates, especially some of the enduring myths. Not to burst your Valentine's bubble, but I'll let you in on a little secret: soul mate is not synonymous with life partner or lover.

But I felt an instant connection!
Many times I've had people tell me about someone they've met or maybe seen across the proverbial crowded room. They tell me about the instant connection they felt with this person, or how it seems like they know the person already. They are convinced these are the signs of a soul mate relationship. My belief, however, is that this is rarely the case.

Instead, these instant connections are simply the intuitive recognition of a familiar pattern.

When we're born, our early interactions with others indelibly shape our definition of love. If our parents were distant and undemonstrative, we quickly take distant and undemonstrative as our definition of love. If our parents argued a lot, we learn that arguing means love.

When we meet someone and feel an instant connection, it's usually because they carry out the pattern that matches our definition of love. Even though the person may not have uttered a single word or exhibited a single indicative behaviour, we know at a DNA level that they are a pattern match.

So who is your soul mate, then?
A soul mate is any person who comes into your life to help you learn a lesson that will advance your spiritual growth. Period. A soul mate can be your father, your sister, your friend, your boss, your dentist, or the guy you buy your paper from every morning.

A soul mate might be with you for a short or a long period of time. You might have a close relationship or a passing encounter. You might meet several soul mates in one lifetime. The key is the lesson your soul mate helps you learn.

Soul mates pre-arrange their encounters in the space between lives. One soul agrees to help another soul evolve in a certain way by learning a particular lesson. When both souls are incarnated, they meet to carry out their agreement. You don't have to worry about finding your soul mate. You will naturally find each other.

Now, your soul mate might be your romantic partner. When this happens, it can be truly wonderful. But even if your partner isn't a soul mate, you can still have a deep, soulful connection that helps both of you grow. In fact, mutual growth should be a fundamental part of any love relationship. Happy Valentine's Day!

Holiday weight gain got you down? Here's a way to use your imagination to shed those extra pounds: Pretend you are your grandparents buying food 50 year ago.

For one week, one month or whatever period of time you choose, buy only foods and beverages that were available in shops in the 1940s or 50s.

Most of the items you'll be interested in will be found on the outside aisles of your local grocery store. Look in the produce department, the butcher, the dairy section and the bakery for fresh, natural foods. (Modern exceptions to the game that are okay to place in your cart include no-fat or fat-reduced products like 1% milk, and cuts of meat that are lower in saturated fat.)

Select items like plain yogurt. You can top it with fresh fruit or preserves and avoid the 7 or 8 teaspoons of sugar found in flavoured brands. Go for the real thing and buy potatoes in their jackets. These little gems are much better for you than the gluey instant mashed potatoes that come in a cardboard box.

In general, steer clear of the interior aisles that usually house packaged, processed products as well as snack and junk foods that contain lots of unhealthy additives.

By playing this shopping game, you'll consume more fibre and vitamins but fewer carbs, preservatives, and artery-clogging, brain-numbing trans fats.

Large quantities of dangerous trans fats -- identified on labels as partially hydrogenated oil, vegetable oil shortening or modified vegetable oil -- can be found in frozen foods (i.e. chicken fingers, meat and fruit pies, fish sticks), packaged cookies and cakes, salad dressings, baked goods and many other prepared foods.

Start playing this healthful game on your next shopping trip. (An added bonus is that your grocery bill will probably be lower, too.) Involve the family by letting your partner or kids help select items. Really have fun with this! It will be like walking through the park...I mean, store...and reminiscing.

Karen Nauman is a full-time certified hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner. She specializes in weight loss and helping clients develop balanced eating habits. To ask Karen a question or to arrange an appointment, please call the Ontario Hypnosis Centre at (416) 489-0333 or send email to
info@ont-hypnosis-centre.com